To cupcake or not to cupcake—that is the question. Whether 'tis sweeter in the shape of rounds. The oohs and aahs of outrageous flavors, or to taste in a smaller presentation. Do I want to make cupcakes or a cake?
Epiphany gives great hugs.
When eating sushi it is important not to confuse the avocado and wasabi. Oops my bad! But, hey, now I can pretend to be a fire breathing dragon for a while!
Just pin me down and stroke my hair and I will be fine
Thank you Jared for saving us from the poo monster! (Ok if someone knows what this is about, I would greatly appreciate knowing why I put this as a status)
Hi, I'm Bek, and I'm scared of golf clubs.
Hi, I'm Bek, and I like to Wii alone!
Hi, I'm Bek, and on any day my day can be brightened by a venti sugar free vanilla breve latte no foam at 135 degrees! Yes, I am Bek and I am a coffee nazi!
Hi, I'm Bek, and I'm a hunka-hunk-of burning love!
Hi! I'm Bek, and I am wondering…how to mermaids poop?
Hi! I'm Bek, and I'm also wondering….how do mermaids reproduce?
Hi, I'm Bek, and I'm wondering….what would REAL angel hair taste like? Would it make a hairball that was enjoyable to choke up?
We were jipped our ENTIRE childhood! The macaroni & cheese box says it contains 3 servings! Mom made us split it FIVE ways! We were JIPPED I'm telling you! Jipped!
I like grocery shopping with my parents. Why? Because Daddy says stuff like "we need candied tomatoes." Um. Daddy read it wrong. It says "can diced tomatoes."
I would like to quote the 25th letter of the alphabet. WHY?!?!?!
Our new cartoppers at work look like shark fins. I now have a very strong urge to play the Jaws theme song when I pull up in someone's driveway.
I've always wondered….how long does it take to hard boil an ostrich egg? Now I know….40 minutes!
Did you know that a hippo can open it's mouth 4 feet! I'm glad I'm taller than that, I have less chance of walking into the mouth of yawning hippo.
Glitter is the herpes of arts & crafts!
If I built an igloo made for two, would you come live with me?
It's cold enough to see a fart out here! WOAH!
Yeah I'm tired. I saw a status from a business on Facebook, and it said "Nashville has over 700 what?" My first thought…port-a-potties!!!
I feel like a psychic. I see. I see. I see….coffee in my future!
Own the oddness!
Life is like a pack of gum, I just don't know why.
Netflix just asked me if I like raunchy movies.
I love the sight of small kids reading big books! Poor thing ran into someone's butt he was so immersed in his book!
Wow! That house smelled like beans! Just smelling it made me want to fart!
Someday my John Wayne will come.
Repeat with me…"Hair gel is SOOOO 1980's!" Get an updated product helmet head!!!
You can spit. You can swear. But you CANNOT come into my house and refer to Oreos as a junk food!
Only in my world does a box that is labeled "body soap" but contains tobacco sauce not raise any questions!
I love how 5th Avenue makes me feel like Moses on a good rainy day!
I figured out why I'm fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "for extra volume and body." I'm going to start using Dawn dish soap. It says "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
I'm like a cupcake ninja!
Wow, I just saw an elephant give birth. That was really gross. Cool. But extremely gross. Ughh. It was a bubble coming out of below, the POP and WHOOSH! It was like a fire hydrant affixed to the ceiling!
Have you ever realized that female Alabama fans who wear a shirt with the red A on the front bare an uncanny resemblance to Hester Prynne in the Scarlet Letter.
What if what I thought isn't what I thought but something I wouldn't think to have ever thought of?
I just exploded a turtle (again).
You rock my knee socks! Do I rock yours?
I'm no nutritionist, but I am pretty sure that eating an entire tub of chocolate chip cookie dough counts as a raw food diet!
All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes, it is morons pretending to be vampires.
Things to do when you're bored….kidnap a cabbage patch kid
Things to do when you're bored….take a picture….take it back
Things to do when you're bored….harness chipmunk power!
In an attempt to make sure that I was awake & functioning, I asked my sisters to send me a math questions at a certain time. Q: What is pi? My answer? Oklahoma. I wasn't awake yet.
HOLD MY POODLE!
If slugs really sang like they do in "Flushed Away" I might be less tempted to sprinkle them with salt.
You're like my knight in shining….pick up truck!
Letting out a fart on a moving sidewalk is like strapping a fart to a hyperfast missile aimed at everyone behind you.
"I shouldn't be backseat grilling." – Dusty
I don't want to be the girl who is with a guy because she needs him. I want to be the girl who is with a guy because she wants him. Because she deserves him.
I can feel the music in my tea!
Best comment today "I love you more than mac and cheese!" Now that's a lot of love because mac and cheese is awesome!
I live a life without training wheels.
Pride is the sin that will drag you down faster than anything else. – Trip (MHI)
Was that thunder? Nope, it was skittles.
Can you imagine a shirtless gnome laying on a plastic stool benchpressing a 45lb dumbbell with "Thug Life" tattooed on his chest?
Considering the high percentage of super villans with advanced degrees, does that make my sister in danger of being a supervillaness?
Pretty doesn't hide stupid.
Remember when you were told you could be anything you wanted to be? You were lied to. You can't be me. No matter how hard you try, you can't be me. Give it up and go be yourself!
I want to stare at you like you poop unicorns.
I slipped and fel in front of someone. In the midst of him helping me back up & making sure I was ok he asked "is anything injured besides your pride?" Dear, my pride fell out of the window years ago!
It's so annoying how all of my bodily functions sound like kitten giggles and unicorn kisses!
Tonight is one of those nights where I want to throw in the towel instead of fold it.
Not naming the friend but she said "I never liked the word tandem. It sounds like a mix between tampon and condom." Bwahahahaha!
Of course I want to look at the dessert menu! It's all I have left!!!
As for me and my house, decaf is a sin!
Respect my bubble!
Big tough look redneck dude driving big tough Dodge Ram. What does the bumper sticker say? "This is not my boyfriend's truck." You go dude…
World Cup Finals? I think Ireland will win, but Krum will get the snitch.
Some days I ask, "What would Chewbacca do?" And the answer is always "Make that gargly roaring sound." So that's what I do.
That's me in the corner. That's me with my cell phone, losing my reception.
Can I just drop it like it's lukewarm? I'm tired.
I was bored, so I said "Wow that's a weird place to put a piano." Everyone looked around. We were in an elevator.
If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!" you are wasting everyone's time.
Screw you "recommended serving size" you don't know me!!!
You know your old when someone reminds you that MMMMMBop (by Hansen) was before their time. Ouch.
Remember "stop, drop, and roll" is not only an effective fire safety procedure, but also a memorable way out of a boring conversation.
Live every week like it's shark week
I read that burglars are using Facebook to see when people are home….from now on…I am home….with a shotgun….and a hungry crocodile….
Google it, Google Boy!
I'm watching Benjamin Button for the 100th time. Never gets old.
I'm going to have to start following my brain. I'm beginning to think my heart is an idiot.
Come on and give me a big hug! Pretend I'm a banana and squeeze me out of my skin!
It doesn't matter…like a rack of speedos at the Big and Tall mens store.
It doesn't matter….like an opera in Alabama
It doesn't matter…like an accordion in an unlocked car in a "bad" section of town.
It doesn't matter…like a stop sign at 3am.
Dying for someone else is easy. The real question is what would you do to live for them???
This night has just blown….like the water heater
Team work makes the dream work, but this is a nightmare! – Ramalamba
Did I really just write, "keep your tamp hand strong?"
Bazinga, punk!
Not many men would send me a picture of their light saber! Too bad it was a Sith's and not a Jedi's. I'm partial to a good Jedi Light Saber!!!
Some people just need a kiss….on the side of the head…with a baseball bat.
Cashiers are always checking me out!
I'm hopelessly addicted to placebos. I would quit, but it wouldn't make any difference.
If you can't face it, moon it.
If coffee were blood, I would be a count DracuLATTE!
Always be yourself, unless you can be a penguin. Then always be a penguin.
No brain. No pain.
I'm not feeling violent, I'm feeling creative with weapons.
Sometimes I think I'm a genius, and then I realize I've already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
If people could read my mind, I would probably be punched in the face…a lot.
All I want is a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead…is that too much to ask?
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