My year in Facebook Statuses

• I have discovered that if you pour the new Cheetos Zingers into the palm of your hand, and flick your tongue out really quick (like a lizard), the Cheetos stick to your tongue (like a fly to a lizard's tongue)!!!! I've been pretending to be a lizard for almost the past 30 minutes (again)!
  

  
   

• I can't wait to stomp you and show you how awesome I am! You're going down! (You know who you are)!!!! <----just a little friendly putt putt trash talk!!!! I love putt putt trash talk!
  

  
   

• Storms are kinda cute when the clouds are shaped like Care Bears!
  

  
   

• I'm swimming in YAY!
  

  
   

• I keep landing in your butt crack---that's what he said! (to clarify that's the butt crack of the couch)
  

  
   

• I went to Wal-Mart for a reason. I walked in and promptly forgot why I was there. I walked out with Captain Crunch. Three bowls later.....I REGRET NOTHING!!!!
  

  
   

• In case you didn't know....the Staples commercial LIE! If you go in their store and go item by item loudly proclaiming "WOW, THAT'S A LOW PRICE!!!" you will get kicked out around aisle 5. I just though you should know.
  

  
   

• Last night in my dream, my phone rang, but no one was there. Then (also in the dream) there was a knock on my door, but no one was there. This morning I found out there actually was a phone call and I did converse with someone in my sleep. So, who knocked on my door, and please tell me I didn't answer the door!
  

  
   

• How do you hit a turtle!? It's not like it is running across the road or anything! It could have been on it's way to see it's family! It could have been going on a hot date! What if it was like Forrest Gump and just felt like runnin? I feel SOOO horrible. And yes, I cried. Poor turtle, I'm sorry I ran over you. Enjoy Turtle Heaven.
  

  
   

• So today someone asks "Hey, why do you read so much?" My reply was, "Because, I don't want to be a complete dummy." His reply, "I haven't read a book since high school." My reply, "My point exactly." Four hours later he looked at me and said, "You called me dumb didn't you?" Why yes, yes I did!
  

  
   

• I fall down and go boom! I got a little too hot, and I got dizzy, and I fell into the bookcase. Why is it that the book that fell was "Oddballs and Eccentrics"??? I got a booboo on my head =( oh well. Hopefully the air will get fixed for good so this won't happen again!
  

  
   

• I was stopped at a stop light with my arm hanging out of the window when these two motorcycles drove by really close! They gave me high fives! Thank you to those two motorcylists, you easily just made my whole night! ♥
  

  
   

• I'm having one of those days where I am embracing the kid in me and the adult....yeah....that's me drinking chocolate milk out of a wine glass! Admit it, you want to do it now!
  

  
   

• My shoulders and back are so sunburned that I have been pretending to be a Tyrannasaurus Rex (just using my forearms instead of upper arms and shoulders) all night! I think I roared at a duvet too! Haha, at least my imagination can get me through the pain almost!
  

  
   

• I just got a text message from my dad that said "About this time 29 years ago, I walked into St. Francis Hospital in Memphis and 3 people yelled at me, 'Go home your wife just called'." This is how Dad might say Happy Birthday, and this is why I love him!
  

  
   

• I was just at Wal-Mart and saw two elderly people in the electronic carts, I was kinda stuck behind them in the aisle and getting a little impatient until the old lady looked at the old man and said "Want to race?" He nodded and she took off! She won! I hope that I am that awesome when I get older!!!
  

  
   

• I keep hearing people talk about this song "Gangster Party" but down here in the south when they say it, it sounds like "Gangsta Potty". Now I'm thinking "What is a Gangsta Potty? A Bejeweled Bidet? Is it a toilet version of the pimp cup?"
  

  
   

• There is a guy at Starbucks that looks like Jesus! Jesus made me coffee! I feel special because Jesus made me coffee! Well, come to think of it, Jesus is kinda hot because he made my coffee and did a GREAT job!
  

  
   

• I took a quick power nap to re-energize. When I woke up there was a $1 under my pillow. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
  

  
   

• I couldn't find my phone, and had to get my absolutely positively most wonderful friend, Misty Wallace , text me. My phone was in the cereal box. Oops! Better than the freezer!
  

  
   

• If you try and rain on my parade, I will take your raindrops, turn them into Skittles, and I will EAT them!
  

  
   

• I ♥ talking to my sister at night and planning gastronomically pleasing, non opposing, non redudant, non explosive meals! "Hmmm, what type of noodles should I have with my grilled ham and cheese? Alfredo broccoli, parmesan, chicken broccoli, or mac and cheese?" My answer? Mac n cheese. even though the cheese type would be gastronomically redundant it would not be a gastronomical opposition.
  

  
   

• I really don't like dreaming when I am not feeling well. How does one choke on cotton candy? Why was Yoda laughing at me? Why were Yoda and Captain Kirk playing darts together? Why can't I go back to sleep now?
  

  
   

• I swear to COW!
  

  
   

• Why is it that when I watch Zombieland I always want to eat spaghetti afterwards? Can you guess what I'm having for lunch?
  

  
   

• You should really be considerate of other people. If someone says "I don't like burgers" don't throw away the whole burger, what if they want to eat the veggies off of it?
  

  
   

• The bathroom door got stuck and I couldn't get out! I kept tugging and tugging and tugging...and then WWWHHHHHAAAAMMMM! I hit myself in the head, and just about knocked myself out. Small knot on the head and a small headache. Maybe I should have just stayed stuck and took a bubble bath. Only me!
  

  
   

• I often pretend that the person standing next to me in an elevator is an unwitting carrier of a deadly airborne disease unleashed by terrorists who hate our freedom. This, of course, forces me to hold my breath until the doors open.
  

  
   

• when i hear this song I think a hippopatumus should be chasing me.
  

  
   

• I don't think I will understand why people think it is ok to answer the door naked when they order a pizza. I do not want to see that! Manorexic, tanorexic, gross. I think he took that song from Annie "You're never fully dressed without a smile" a little bit too seriously.
  

  
   

• Hmmm....I need to get on the ball....if you take all of Starbucks key beverages and multiply them by the modifiers and customization options there is a possibility of 87,000 drinks at Starbucks. If I had Starbucks twice a day it would still take 119 years to consume every drink. Woah!
  

  
   

• if I can blow bubbles with my eyes, I should be able to fart with my ears. just saying
  

  
   

• Live each day like it's your last. And always to the fullest. And just to add some extra fun, surround yourself with mullets!
  

  
   

• I think Microsoft Office needs a Harry Potter edition so it will quit auto-correcting my words or telling me that I'm spelling them wrong. I know how to spell quidditch and quaffle you idiot machine. I do not wish to play "Which with a Waffle"
  

  
   

• I just laughed so hard that a black olive came out of my nose. I keep trying to remind myself that I am not a food dispenser!
  

  
   

• That's gonna leave a bruise. I woke up early today. Why? The bookcase in the corner of my room decided to fall over this morning. Fell over onto my bed. Onto me. What book hit me in the head you ask? The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
  

  
   

• "If you don't have 3 eggs you may substitute with 4 egg whites." I don't think they understand my current situation.
  

  
   

• Ughhh....trying to sleep but I keep slipping into the almost dream sleep....you still here the television or whatever else is on....so batman is playing in your head and then all of the sudden Dog the bounty hunter busts in your dreams and tries to arrest Batman! Get off my boy dog!
  

  
   

• There is only one type of person that is allowed to waddle, and that would be a pregnant woman. If you are waddling because you don't know what size pants you wear and your pants are below your bottom then you will be considered a duck. DUCK HUNT anyone???
  

  
   

• Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to your, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like. I'm on a computer.
  

  
   

• If a tomato is technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?
  

  
   

• I'm going to beat you like a tetherball!
  

  
   

• I adore my bosses that are concerned for my safety and well being. I thank them for shaking their fingers at me & warning me to "check it before you chomp it."
  

  
   

• Pointy words are mouse turds.
  

  
   

• What is the gestation period of a werewolf? Would it be the same as a human or more shorter like that of a wolf?
  

  
   

• bloody nose + sneezing fit + my unique ability to shoot fluids out of my eyes = a WHOLE new meaning to the term "bloodshot eyes"
  

  
   

• that deep rolling thump you heard was me falling down the stairs. That bang was the cake container hitting the ceiling. The yell was me cursing the fact that I am now having to clean cake out of the carpet.
  

  
   

• Arghh! I hate it when you lay something down, turn around and then can't find it. I just laid them down so I could hang them up. Where are my pants!?
  

  
   

• Someone stole my buggy at Wal-Mart! And I was almost done shopping! Arghh! I think I spotted my missing buggy so I discreetly tossed a few cans of SPAM in there. Take that buggy stealer!
  

  
   

• BLAST ENDED SCREWTS! I have shocked myself so much tonight that my hair is beginning to stand out!
  

  
   

  Have you ever listened to something beautiful and it makes you think "wow, I think my ears just got laid" yeah well that totally just happened, but I have no idea what/who it was I was listening to!

You complete me

Spending time with you I feel you complete me. You spend time with me, and make sure that I am complete. No part of me is forgotten! You stir me up! You beat me into a frenzy! It only takes half an hour with you to heat me up. Oh, the things you can do to me! And then you really get me going! You make me feel like I'm going to explode all over the place. And when you finish so smoothly, it's like icing on the cake. By the end we are both sweating with excitement!

You know I wish cupcakes had feelings. Because, I think this is what my triple chocolate espresso cupcakes stuffed with caramel pudding with a cappuccino frosting would say about our time together!

Walking through the store I spied you.

Walking through the store, I spied you. I debated whether or not I should approach you. Should I stay or should I go? You made me smile as you stood out from the crowd. So I took you home with me.

You see, it has been a while since I've done this. I was feeling old and gray, and then you came around. You have made me feel like a new woman! You have stimulated my senses! You have made me tingle like never before! I have turned red with you around, but I am not ashamed! I want to flip my hair to catch attention, because I want everyone to see the change you have had on me.

You see, today I spied you, took you home with me, spend 30 glorious minutes with you penetrating me! And now, I'm a REDHEAD!!! Hair dye, you complete me!

The Hunt for Burr's Lost Marbles (Part 2)

02JUNE2010
A surprising number of secret agents had infiltrated the membership of Springfield Baptist Church. Some knew of each others presence. Some did not. I’ve Lost My Marbles was of the latter, he was blissfully unaware of the other agents true identities. When I’ve Lost My Marbles started singing with the choir, he had the habit of bringing peppermints to enjoy during the sermon. He would share peppermints with people around him. That is how he met Agent Peppermint, when she was still a civilian. The sparky agent known for high jinx and mischief joined M.E. several months ago. Unbeknownst to I’ve Lost My Marbles, the friendship had supplied her code name. For over ten years they sat next to each other in choir and for over ten years I’ve Lost My Marbles had shared his peppermints with her.

Tonight the choir practice room was filled with the sounds of music. But in between, Agent Peppermint discreetly handed I’ve Lost My Marbles a small bag containing the designated marbles and a small note. The note simply read, “All will be revealed in the woods.” I’ve Lost My Marbles set the bag and note under his hat without even reading the note.
The practice continued, filling the quiet corridor outside. Peppermint leaned over and said, “Why Burr, I think you lost your marbles!”

“Oh no, I didn’t! They’re right here, see?” He said as he lifted his hat to reveal the marbles and unread note. The night continued, and Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles was still unaware of the mission that had just begun.
 

09JUNE2010

Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles had several civilian activities that he enjoyed like hunting on Thanksgiving morning and going to watch bull riding and rodeos with his daughters. But, the one he enjoyed the most was going to White Oak, otherwise known as Fish Camp.
Fish Camp is one of those places people discover after being hopelessly lost on country back roads.you. It was a beautiful wild life sanctuary by White Oak Creek, which emptied into a nearby lake. If you go there you are surrounded by a green pallet of vegetation and the symphony of chirping crickets, bird whistles, and babbling brooks. But the men who attended fish camp knew exactly where they were. This is a place they intentionally came to escape when their lives became entangled in the busy world of work, cell phones, deadlines, and conference calls.

But like many things in I’ve Lost My Marbles life, this too had been infiltrated by M.E.’s secret agents. They had come to escape their civilian jobs, but not the life of an agent. They still had their own missions to accomplish. I’ve Lost My Marbles knew something was going to happen. He could feel it in his bones. Besides, he had received that ominous letter stating “all will be revealed in the woods.” What he was expecting was nothing like what was waiting for him.
I’ve Lost My Marbles had tired of the excitement of the creek, and wanted to try his luck at fishing on the serenity and stillness of the lake. He was in luck because Robert Fowler was heading to the lake as well. Robert was the son of one of I’ve Lost My Marbles’ friends and had graduated with his daughter. What I’ve Lost My Marbles didn’t know was M.E. had recently recruited Robert. After extensive training and initiation, Robert Fowler had become Agent 99. Once again I’ve Lost My Marbles was unaware of how vast M.E.’s reach was.

Agent 99 offered I’ve Lost My Marbles a ride to the lake, and he accepted. During the ride, 99 produced a small set of marbles and handed them to I’ve Lost My Marbles. A look of bewilderment clouded I’ve Lost My Marbles’ face. And at that moment 99 handed him the enclosed letter:

Daddy,
Several facts have come to our attention:
1. You are a difficult person to find an appropriate father's day gift for.
2. When we finally find something "perfect" for you...you will find one little clue and hunt down any available information about the gift.
3. You are getting older.
4. There is a prominent family history of Alzheimer's
5. Combining facts 3 and 4...you may be losing your marbles in your old age.
Taking all of this into account, we are not giving you your father's day gifts; you will have to find them. We have hidden several things at camp to help you with your quest. You must find them before you leave otherwise the trail might go cold. With luck by father's day you will have recovered most of those marbles you've lost (especially the ones we like the most).
So Bubba you've got some hunting to do; a fellow singer holds your next clue at camp.
To retrieve your next clue you must say, “Secret Agent I’ve lost my marbles.”
Once you have retrieved your clue from the Special Agent you may ask them their Secret Agent name. Secret Agent Clover will be tracking your progress. In order to receive your Father’s Day bonus you must complete all missions.

With every sentence he read, Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles’ shoulders sunk lower and lower. 99 glanced over, “Everything ok, Burr? I think you lost your marbles.”

“I see this is payback coming my way,” I’ve Lost My Marbles said with fear in his voice.

“You better go along with this. You don’t know what the consequences could be,” Agent 99 said with a warning in his voice.

“Yes I deserved this.” And with that I’ve Lost My Marbles sat back in his seat and continued on in silence. Agent Marbles was now aware of the mission at hand. He was now aware that he was under the control of M.E. He knew that to not cooperate once they had you could lead to consequences of epic proportions. The Hunt for Burr’s Lost Marbles was officially underway. 

11JUNE2010

Over the past few days I’ve Lost My Marbles had spent many a quiet moment pondering his mission. What was his ultimate goal? What were the consequences if he did not cooperate? Was he in imminent danger? Surely M.E. would protect him. They wouldn’t send him into a hand grenade battle with water balloons, would they?

The time was at hand, he had to meet up with the next agent. But, who could it be? After going through many possible scenarios, he decided he must be expected to meet up with someone else that was in choir with him: Danny Atchley. But could it be? Danny was a nice, unassuming guy who wouldn’t harm a fly. He wasn’t cut out to be a secret agent. Or was he?

Oh, yes, he was. Because he was a talented man he had come to M.E.’s attention very early on. Because he shared many common interests with I’ve Lost My Marbles, he was a perfect choice for the mission. Danny had become known as Agent Man of Many Voices, because of his many vocal talents.

I’ve Lost My Marbles was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to confront Man of Many Voices. It could be embarrassing if he was wrong and confronted a civilian with the code phrase. I’ve Lost My Marbles noticed Man of Many Voices was now standing alone at the edge of a tent absent mindedly fiddling with something in his hands. I’ve Lost My Marbles took a deep breath and sauntered over to where Man of Many Voices stood.

“Um, Danny, can we talk?” I’ve Lost My Marbles asked hesitantly. The could be one of the most ridiculous things he had ever done.

“Well, of course, Burr. What’s on your mind?”

At that moment I’ve Lost My Marbles noticed that the object Man of Many Voices had been toying with was a marble! “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles!” He spit out excitedly.

“Well, Burr, the first step to overcoming your problem is admitting you have one in the first place,” Man of Many Voices reached his hand into his pocket and extracted a small bag of marbles and the ivory colored envelope I’ve Lost My Marbles had been expecting. “Hold on just one moment.” Man of Many Voices reached down into his bag and extracted something else and carefully looked around before handing it to I’ve Lost My Marbles. “Be careful on the journey ahead.” With that, Man of Many Voices walked away without a second glance back towards I’ve Lost My Marbles.

“Oh no. I must be in danger,” though I’ve Lost My Marbles. Why else would M.E. supply him with a gun!?

All quests have a certain degree of danger. We would be remiss if we allowed you to begin your adventure without a degree of appropriate protection. So take hart and be diligent in finding your next clue.
To retrieve your next clue you must say, “Secret Agent I’ve lost my marbles.”
Once you have retrieved your clue from the Special Agent you may ask them their Secret Agent name. Secret Agent Clover will be tracking your progress. In order to receive your Father’s Day bonus you must complete all missions.


12JUNE2010
Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles knew how M.E. operated. Mission control would not arm him unless it was necessary. What danger lay ahead? What should he do next? How many of his friends were agents? M.E. had revealed much to him in the past few days. They were a greater force than he had reckoned, and this was a force not to be messed with. He needed to figure out his next clue.

“Take hart,” thought I’ve Lost My Marbles. M.E. was known to be nerds and grammar Nazis; it was not like them to misspell something. He looked at the clue again. Hart? What if it was a last name, like his wife’s best friend, Beverly Hart? Well he could try when he got home. He thought back to his clue from 99. Several things were hidden at camp. How could he be so thoughtless!? Paul Hart, Beverly’s husband! He was at fish camp too! Now he had to wait until he could talk to Paul alone. He hated saying the code phrase out loud. It would be a little embarrassing if someone overheard it.

After a few hours, I’ve Lost My Marbles finally saw Paul Hart walking alone. He jogged up next to him and quietly said, “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles.” Paul looked at him questioningly. I’ve Lost My Marbles panicked for a moment. He had gotten the clue wrong! But, then Paul pulled out a marble and motioned for I’ve Lost My Marbles to follow him.

Paul led I’ve Lost My Marbles to a nearby tent where he handed him a letter and a CD. I’ve Lost My Marbles took them graciously and then asked him, “What is your secret agent name.”

“Banjo,” he said as he began to turn around and walk away.

No one spoke much during this mission. I’ve Lost My Marbles was beginning to feel he was all on his own during this. The fellow agents were only pointing the way. They weren’t there to help him. What did all of this mean? Would there be an end in sight soon? M.E. had him questioning the alliance of everyone around him. Was anyone on his side? How much more until he could figure out the puzzle? How much longer until M.E. let him figure out the puzzle?

We would like to ensure that the hunt for your lost marbles is not lacking in any aspect of an appropriate adventure. And what would great spy flicks be without a great soundtrack?
BLFI MVCG HGVK RMEL OEVH GSVW ZWLU ZXVI GZRM IVWS VZWV WHGV KXSR OWBL FNFH GURM WSRN YBQF MVUL FIGV VMGS GDLG SLFH ZMWG VMLI ZOOD ROOY VOLH GULI VEVI
To retrieve your next clue you must say, “Secret Agent I’ve lost my marbles.”
Once you have retrieved your clue from the Special Agent you may ask them their Secret Agent name. Secret Agent Clover will be tracking your progress. In order to receive your Father’s Day bonus you must complete all missions.

15JUNE2010 2138HOURS

“Agent Clover could have blown it or I’ve Lost My Marbles could be toying with her. Will send full disclosure of Clover’s misdeeds through M.E. encrypted link. Note all may not be lost due to Agent Clover’s limited involvement.” An urgent protected message from Dr Dork had come to Wreck’s phone .

Agent Wreck’s fears had been confirmed. Clover’s role in the mission was to aide mission control in tracking I’ve Lost My Marbles progress, not assist him with the clues or reveal her knowledge of the mission. But she had done just that! Clover had failed M.E. This could be Mission Pocket Watch all over again. It is true that without her assistance I’ve Lost My Marbles may have not met deadline. But she had over stepped her boundaries.

Upon returning from Fish Camp, Agents I’ve Lost My Marbles and Clover had been in casual conversation when I’ve Lost My Marbles mentioned a particularly puzzling clue. Agent Clover offered a hint, “It’s Morse code!” No it was not Morse code. The code I’ve Lost My Marbles was talking about was a simple letter replacement cipher. Agents Wreck and Dr. Dork had chosen the puzzle because it was simple, yet I’ve Lost My Marbles was over complicating things as he always did.

Once I’ve Lost My Marbles had figured out his current clue, met up with Agent Them Are Some Big Ole Guns, and received his next clue, he would discover Clover knew more than she was saying. He might try to pry information out of her. I’ve Lost My Marbles’ interrogation techniques were good, but not great. On the other hand Clover’s resistance to his techniques was weak. She would crack in no time if he pressed hard enough.

Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles only had to meet with four more agents (including Wreck) before his mission was complete. They were in the home stretch. Agent Wreck knew the mission was nearing completion, but nearer the mission came to completion the more stress the agent felt. All coming rendezvous had time constraints and deadlines. Plus when it was completed she would have many mission debriefing documents to process.

Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles was proving to be as clever as always. Could he be thwarted? Was the mission blown? Would he continue to play ally or attempt terror? Something had to be done to keep I’ve Lost My Marbles in his place and on the right path.
 

14JUNE2010

Agent Ive Lost My Marbles had been worried at Fish Camp that M.E. had gotten their hands on his marbles that he had since childhood. Upon returning home he had furiously searched for his marbles. He sighed with relieve when he realized he had not lost his marbles. But, he still had his clue to figure out. The code reminded him of the onetime use codes he used to have to use. But, that didn’t mean that would help him now. He had to figure it out, and figure it out soon.
Finally approximately 2000HRS, He had figured out that he had to visit his neighbor, Chet. Could it be that M.E. had managed to completely surround him with agents? Were they watching him all the time? The clue said he had by 14JUNE2010 to get to his next clue or all would be lost forever. He surely didn’t want to miss this. It was getting late and he was very tired from his civilian job, he must do it now.

He walked down the hill beside his estate, and down to Chet Beck’s manor. Hesitantly he knocked on the back door, and luckily Chet answered quickly. “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles,” I’ve Lost My Marbles stated. He was starting to get used to saying it, and wasn’t as embarrassed anymore when he had to say it.

“Here you go.” Agent Them Are Some Big Ole Guns said and handed I’ve Lost My Marbles his package, clue, and marbles.

“Thank you. Well it’s late, and I’m tired. Have a great night.” I’ve Lost My Marbles said. Luckily both men were men of few words. They didn’t need to say much to express how they felt. With this quick exchange the agents went their own ways. Them Are Some Big Ole Guns closed the door and headed back into his house, and I’ve Lost My Marbles headed back up the hill to his estate.

Once inside he opened the note to discover:

*--/****/*/*-*/* -*--/---/**-/*-* --/**/***/***/**/---/-*/ -***/*/--*/*-/-*/ *-/
*-**/--/---/***/-/ -/*--/---/ *--/*/*/-*-/***/ *-/--*/---/ ***/---/ -*--/---/**-/ --/
**-/***/-/ *-*/*/-/**-/*-*/-*/ ***/---/ ---/-*/ -/****/*/ *----/-****/-/****/ -**/
---/-*/*----*/-/ -**/*-*/---/*--*/ -/****/*/ --/*-/*-*/-***/*-**/*/***/ -**/---/
-*/*----*/-/ *-**/*/-/ -/****/*/--/ --*/---/ -*-/*/*-*/ *--*/*-**/**-/-*/-*-/

They were really digging back into his past. Could he remember Morse code from Boy Scouts? I’ve Lost My Marbles sat back and tried to see if he could remember it without looking. After a little bit, he realized he needed help. He went to the library in his estate and went to locate his old Boy Scout Manual. But to his dismay, several pages were missing! And the missing section included the Morse code. In the next book he found the assistance he needed.

Where your mission first began almost two weeks ago so you must return so on the 16th don’t drop the marbles don’t let them go ker plunk.

He felt better having figured out the clue. He could now open the package he had received. He reached in and felt it, and then slowly pulled it out. A picture frame. But no simple picture frame, it was his picture in it. And not just any picture of him. This picture was special. It was of him from when he served in the United States Navy on the U.S.S. Forestall. And the frame said it all.

Proud Veteran
I PROUDLY served my country
I did all that could do
to PROTECT our land, keep it FREE,
its causes GREAT and TRUE
And though I no longer serve
You will ALWAYS see in me
Someone PROUD to be a veteran,
And someone THANKFUL to be FREE.
Judith Bulock Morse
 

16JUNE2010 1830HRS

Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles had now been on his mission for two weeks. Now he had to return to where he began. In his mind’s eye, the mission had started at Fish Camp, and there was no way he could fit another trip up there just yet. But then again, he had gotten a clue from his friend Pat Binkley. Going back to choir practice did fit the kerplunk clue better. He was hoping he was right and wouldn’t miss the deadline.

He tried to push the mission out of his mind and enjoy the rest of his day at choir practice. As he was walking by the prop room, Carol (a co-choir person) commented, “Why is this door unlocked?” She locked the door and they both continued on towards the choir room. I’ve Lost My Marbles still had to figure out the clue.

When he walked in the door everything made sense. The minister of music, Matt Plunk, was obviously playing with a marble. He was not hiding it. It could just be a coincidence, but no it couldn’t be. M.E. would make sure to control everything; that’s just how they were. So, I’ve lost my marbles walked up to him and said, “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles.”

“Very good, Agent Marbles, I hid the package in the campfire you made,” Agent Wavy Fingers whispered.

I’ve Lost My Marbles turned around and began thinking about what in the world could that mean. Everything was so cryptic, but simple when he really thought about it. A campfire, that he built, that would still be around, and that was still nearby. For one of the youth projects he had built a prop campfire, it was a spectacular construction, almost lifelike! And, it would still be in the prop closet. He walked triumphantly to the prop closet, determinedly grabbed the door handle, and stopped. The door was locked. Carol locked it. Maybe the campfire was why it was unlocked. He turned again, and went back to Matt. “What’s your secret agent name?”

“:Secret Agent Wavy Fingers.”

“Very well, Secret Agent Wavy Fingers could you please unlock the prop closet?”

“Sure.” Wavy Fingers went with I’ve Lost My Marbles to the prop closet and unlocked it for him, and then he turned and we back to the choir room because practice was going to begin soon.
I’ve Lost My Marbles quickly found the campfire and along with it a letter and another package. After having received such an amazing package before, he couldn’t wait to see what M.E. had supplied him with this time. Would it be something to protect him? Something to inspire him? Or, could it be something to humble him? The simple brown wrapping wouldn’t deter him. He unwrapped it, spliced open the tape, and opened the box inside. It was full of stationery. A small note on the box said that it was a present from his youngest daughter, Brinkley. Now he could write her more little letters to encourage her. But now he still had the clue from M.E. What was he expected to do now? There couldn’t possibly be a whole lot more steps before his mission was complete? He took the manila envelope and turned it over, slipped out the note and read:

Don’t let the sun set on the work week without a rendezvous with the friend responsible for your view of the sunrise on Thanksgiving. He will be expecting you on 18JUN2010. Please call on a secured line to 615-384-4493 to arrange for the drop off.
To retrieve your next clue you must say, “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles.”
Once you have retrieved your clue from Special Agent you may ask them their Secret Agent name. Secret Agent Clover will be tracking your progress. In order to receive your Father’s Day bonus you must complete all missions.
 

18JUNE2010

Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles had been reflecting on the last couple of weeks. What he had learned. M.E. really did have their hand in everyone’s cookie jar. As soon as he got off work, he picked up his phone and dialed. The phone rang and was answered on the 2nd ring, “Hey Gary, this is Burr. I’m on my way over to your place.”

“Ok, see you in a little bit than Burr.” Phone conversations were short and sweet in I’ve Lost My Marbles life.

I’ve Lost My Marbles drove out of town and turned down the road he traveled every Thanksgiving morning. On those morning he would wake up very early, travel over to Agent 8 Point’s house, and eat breakfast with 8 Point, 8 Point’s wife, Debbie, and several other hunters. Then they would all go into the woods and spend hours waiting for the kill shot. You couldn’t help but run into wildlife at his farm. Turkeys ran circles in the driveway and deer walked without caution around the yard. The Keyt farm was away from the city, the roaring of the semi’s passing by, the thumping of bad stereos driving down the street, none of that was heard. In fact all you heard was nothing. And it was perfect.

I’ve Lost My Marbles undid his seat belt and got out of the uniform van, and approached the house. He paused for a moment to prepare. No one was around, but still saying the code phrase was embarrassing. He wasn’t admitting to anything, he was just stating his agent name (but he did not know that). He rang the doorbell, and waited. In just under a minute, Agent 8 Point answered the door. I’ve Lost My Marbles took another deep breath and said, “Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles.”

“It’s good to know that you have come to grip with that, Burr,” Agent 8 Point said as he smiled. A marble magically appeared in his hands, and he passed it to I’ve Lost My Marbles. “I didn’t trust the security here, so I put the package where the water flows. Just pull on the string to retrieve it.” The door was shut and I’ve Lost My Marbles was left outside, in the heat and quiet.
When they went hunting, there was a spigot across the way from the woods. Maybe that is what 8 Point was talking about. He strolled over to the area, and looked around. He didn’t really see anything out of the ordinary. No string that he could see. Where else could he be talking about? This had to be it though, so he took a closer look. With his failing eye sight maybe a closer look would be helpful. I’ve Lost My Marbles knelt down as he swept his hand over the grass area. Out of nowhere his hand brushed across a string. “This can’t be,” thought I’ve Lost My Marbles, and he began to tug gently on the string. It was a little on the heavy side, heavier than any fish he had reeled in lately. A neon orange and green package materialized out of the landscape.

“What the?” M.E. was definitely not discreet with this package. This packaged had been sealed by weaving duct tape around the box. Where did it start? Where did it end? How in the world was he supposed to get in this? I’ve Lost My Marbles grabbed the package and letter, looked around for what he did not know, and headed towards his company van. He could figure this all out once he was at home.

He hurried towards the estate, and rushed into his laboratory. Taking an Exacto knife, he carefully spliced into the corner of the package. He did not want to damage the goods inside. After painstakingly slicing through the first layer of duct tape, he carefully began splitting the second layer. This package was expertly prepared, and he wanted to preserve it as best as possible. After what seemed like an eternity he was through. He carefully lifted the top to reveal a leather journal and very nice pen. The leather journal had been stamped with the family crest and leather braided on the edges. It was a masterpiece in itself. With many stories of things that had happened in his life, this would be a perfect place to write them down so he could pass them down to his daughters. M.E. had thought of everything.

He was beginning to see what M.E. had in mind. The missions weren’t that bad, they were actually quite enjoyable. Did he really want this to end?

The last shall be the first and the first shall be the last. So it is with the last step in the search for your marbles. Seek out your first born before 1500HRS on 20JUN2010 for the last of your search and the end of our mission.
 

20JUNE2010

Agent Wreck had been on pins and needles for hours. Today was the day Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles would be picking up his final package and then the rest would be in his hands. But he would have had to understand the clue. Communication with the other agents had been limited. So if he know to show up today, only he knew.

With only a few distractions to keep her mind off of everything that could have and could still go wrong the time crawled by. Every few minutes Wreck checked her secure link to see if there was any communication from any of the agents. Finally a message was received from Agent Clover.
“I’m out to lunch with I’ve Lost My Marbles. Would you like us to bring you anything when we stop by?”

The Hallelujah Chorus played in Wreck’s mind as she realized Clover had done her job well and assisted I’ve Lost My Marbles in an appropriate manner. And with that simple communication most of Wreck’s doubts seemed to disappear. The rest of those doubts would fade when she saw the “company” car pull up and I’ve Lost My Marbles sauntered in the door. Also as soon as he walked in she would have food, which was good because she had forgotten lunch.

Forty seven minutes later, Wreck glanced a sighting of the golden minivan that never stood out except to those who knew it. With the sound of the glass door sliding open came the consistent and measured step of boots hitting the tiled floor. Then came the familiar sight of the agent in his Sunday best, western style suit complete with bolo tie.

“Secret Agent I’ve lost my marbles,” he said as if he had said it one too many times. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Well Secret Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles the fact is we had to.” Wreck said as she gave him the final package. “With any prior mission where we were working against you, you always seemed to foil our hard laid plans. We figured by including you there was less chance of that happening. And with such an important mission we couldn’t let you out do us.” Agent Wreck and I’ve Lost My Marbles sat down in chairs facing each other. “The rest of this mission is all up to you. You have now been given all the tools necessary to complete the mission. And, the mission is this: write down your stories and adventures. Write the details down before they fade or worse before you fade.” Wreck tried hard to bite back the tear that were fighting to form. “Your legacy and knowledge are too vast and great not to share at least within M.E. Please grant us this one wish, write it all down. We hope to never forget what Douglas Burr Mathews has done for the world, his country, and for his family. Write it down.”

With that Wreck got up and returned to her civilian job as a desk clerk. I’ve Lost My Marbles sat for a moment and then he too rose and he left. Will this mission ever be completed? Will he write it all down? Only Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles can answer that.
 

Author’s Note
I have attempted to write this as true to events as possible. Although some events had to be fudged as their details are still unknown to me since I wasn’t there. I have tailored language and situations to befit a spy story. But this is my recounting of my father’s adventure to retrieve his Father’s Day presents.
My sisters and I could have never pulled this off without a lot of help! We would like to thank all of the agents in no particular order: Pat Binkley, Robert Fowler, Danny Atchley, Paul Hart, Chet Beck, Matt Plunk, and Gary Keyt. Also thank you to Fox and James for helping me with technical know how and advise on the writing.
I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading about how we tortured our dad in 2010.
In all seriousness, we wanted to honor our father. He is the unique, caring, knowledgeable, creative, and wonderful man around!

Douglas Burr Mathews was born on January 16, 1947. He proudly served our Country upon the USS Forrestal. He married Elaine Adell Brinkley on July 22, 1978. He has three children: Rebekah, Rachel, and Brinkley. He currently resides in Springfield, TN.

The Hunt for Burr's Lost Marbles (Part 1)

My father has always been very difficult to buy gifts for. Sometimes, I think he doesn’t care what we get him, but the creativity and thought that go into the gift are more important to him. Never the less, sometimes it is difficult to keep our gifts away from Daddy, because he peeks, he cheats and he spies. So this year, my sisters and I decided if that is what he wants, then that is what he is going to get!
Our father taught us at an early age to be creative. And as we grew, he encouraged our creativity. This is all his fault. It is his fault, because he taught us to be creative. Now, we are using this gift of creativity against him.
For Father’s Day, my dad had to become a spy. He had to follow clues, meet with fellow agents, and meet deadlines to achieve his secret mission set upon him by mission control.
I am no Tom Clancy. My dad is clearly no James Bond. But, this is our spy story. So sit back and enjoy. We now present “The Hunt For Burr’s Lost Marbles”

*****************************************

Internal Memo
To: Secret Agent Spy Story Reader
From: Mission Control
Re: The Hunt For Burr’s Lost Marbles
Date: 06/20/10
We want you to be familiar with all agents associated with “The Hunt For Burr’s Lost Marbles”
Secret Agent Name Civilian Name Relation
1.I’ve Lost My Marbles Burr Mathews Patriarch, and head spy
2.Wreck Rebekah Mathews Burr’s oldest daughter
3.Dr Dork Rachel Mathews Burr’s middle daughter
4.FreakFace Brinkley Mathews Burr’s youngest daughter
5.Clover Elaine Mathews Burr’s wife and best friend
6.Peppermint Pat Binkley Burr’s Choir Buddy
7.99 Robert Fowler Burr’s Co-Fish Camper
8.Man of Many Voices Danny Atchley Burr’s Co-Fish Camper/Choir Go-er
9.Banjo Paul Hart Burr’s Co-Fish Camper
10.Them are some big ole guns Chet Beck Burr’s awesome neighbor
11.Wavy Fingers Matt Plunk Burr’s Choir Director
12.8 point Gary Keyt Burr’s Friend and awesome guy
 
********************************************

Date: 25APR2010
Time: 1900 hours
Place: Mission Control

Our story begins on a beautiful spring day. Butterflies ride the lazy breeze; bees sip lazily on the nectar of spring’s first bloom; and neighbors congregate on their porch fronts with sweet iced tea in hand. It seemed to be the perfect end to a perfect day in the small haven of Springfield. Downstairs an old man sits in his rocking chair reminiscing about “the old days,” the smoke of his cigarette dancing gracefully, reflecting the peace and tranquility of his story. The young adults sit on the porch and steps, cold brews slightly sweating in their hands as they listen in an almost trance-like state to the old man. No one downstairs knew that their neighbor upstairs, the one they deemed “the pizza chick,” was in distress. They knew nothing about her, and that was how she liked it. They would never guess that upstairs was not a simple apartment, it was mission control. Their thoughts were never imaginative or conspiratorial enough to guess that the small apartment upstairs was anything but what it seemed. They could not look deep enough past the exterior door to discover that is was mission control for the group only known as M.E. And at this very moment Secret Agent Wreck was on a very important conference call with Secret Agent Dr. Dork over at the staging area.
“He must be stopped,” lamented Agent Wreck.
“That he must! All of our careful planning is ruined if he intercepts even one little clue! He is no Aloysius X.L. Pendergast, but he is one smart cookie,” Agent Dr. Dork replied.
“Smart cookie!? He is a facinorous-fiend! One little slip up by mission control’s shipping agent, UPS, and within twenty minutes all details were uncovered. And by that time the mission could not be aborted. The final drop off was mere days away. All of mission control’s countless nights and endless planning thwarted, and by who? Douglas Burr Mathews! Who is that!? He is no one in the international scheme of things. I mean come on, he’s just a field engineer for goodness sake!”
“Let’s give him a little credit. He is the Senior field engineer.”
“Yeah, senior. You know what that means? He’s old.”
At this Dr. Dork chortled and continued, “He’s not old, he is perceptive and experienced.”
“Ok, whatever,” Wreck rolled her eyes. “That still does not mean he has to demolish all of our plans! Who does he think he is? James Bond!?”
“Now, wait a minute, you may have an idea there.”
“Well I’m full of ideas, but which one?”
“Instead of working against him, why not work with him?”
“Um, because GE Medical wouldn’t hire me.”
“You’re joking right?” Dr Dork looked worried.
“Of course I am! I see what you’re saying. Instead of mission control trying to act against these dastardly deeds, why not have mission control actually control his moves and the clues he does get?”
“Agent Wreck, you are an evil genius! Perfectly put, we control what clues he gets.” The thought of a counter-terrorism attempt brought a sparkle to Dr. Dork’s eyes.
“Let us think more on this, and conference again in two days time to iron out details. Same time, same place?”
“I must agree. I need to sleep, my ‘civilian job’ requires the utmost attention.”
“Haha, yes indeed. Well guten nacht. Agent Wreck over and out.”
“Agent Dr. Dork over and out,” and with that the undercover conference was over, and a mission, like never attempted before in the simple town of Springfield, had begun.
Wreck looked around mission control, shut down her encrypted link, and went downstairs to make an appearance as “the pizza chick”, on a normal night, hanging out on the front porch with her neighbors. No one would know what had transpired upstairs. Not yet at least. 

*************************************************

01MAY2010 2100HRS
As the rain continued to fall, Wreck waited impatiently at mission control. Dr. Dork was supposed to have connected to their secure link at 2000HRS. In one short week many ideas had been tossed around; some were good, some were bad, and some were downright ugly. Agent Wreck flipped through channels on the TV while keeping an eye on her secure link panel. Just as she decided to watch Tomorrow Never Dies, there was a notice that a connection had been made on the secure link. Wreck rushed to the computer, “Agent Dr. Dork! You’re late! Please do not tell me you forgot about our scheduled conference. There is much to tell you and there is not a lot of time before the satellite is out of range and our link is broken!”
“Ok, Agent Wreck, I won’t tell you I forgot so we don’t waste time with a lecture.” Dr. Dork continued, “Fill me in on the progress.”
“The mission has been approved as code name ‘The Hunt For Burr’s Lost Marbles.’ Secret Agent Peppermint and Secret Agent 99 have signed on.”
Agent Wreck checked the screen as a notice popped up that an unauthorized user had tried to connect to the secure link. “Stupid civilians! They think they can crack our encrypted connection. Anyways, Secret Agent FreakFace has been given confidential access to the mission and been briefed on all the details. Her package will be delivered to the drop spot by 12JUN2010.”
“The drop spot has been secured. What about Secret Agents Clover, Man of Many Voices, Banjo, and Them Are Some Big Ole Guns, have they confirmed?” Dr. Dork reviewed the checklist to ensure they were on the same page.
“Agent Clover has confirmed and will be monitoring I’ve Lost My Marbles’ progress. She will also be assisting when necessary. Mission control is still waiting on confirmation from the other agents.”
“Good. Do you think we should bring in two more agents for good measure? That will surely keep I’ve Lost My Marbles on his toes.”
“I had thought of that. Do you think we can trust Agent Wavy Finger and Agent 8 Point?”
“I had thought about them. Their background checks have cleared and both passed the M.E. agent review. Interestingly enough, they have been ranked superb for ‘secrecy in top missions.’ I see no reason not to trust them,” Dr. Dork remarked as she pulled up a web window to browse on anthropologie.com.
“Ok, I will make contact and secure cooperation.”
“Ooh, cute comforter,” exclaimed Dr Dork.
“Agent, don’t let yourself get distracted! This is a very important mission and you are looking at comforters!”
“Well you seem to have everything under control. Keep me updated. I think we are losing the signal. Keep up the good work. Agent Dr. Dork over and out.”
“Are we losing our signal or do you want to shop? Agent Wreck over and out.”
“Both! Over and out.” Dr. Dork looked guiltily at the comforter and decided to wait until another day.
Wreck shut down the secure link and looked at the growing mound of paperwork surrounding mission control. Comforters! Agent Dr. Dork was easily distracted, but her high intelligence and trustworthiness made her a great asset and ally. Wreck glanced at the screen briefly to watch James Bond, and then looked back at her computer. She already had two sets of mission briefing documents to type up, and there would be up to seven more. If she didn’t get started, the mission would be delayed before it could begin. Wreck cracked her knuckles and began to type. It was going to be a long night and the storm outside did nothing to lighten her mood. With the crashing of thunder outside, the beating of the rain on the window, and the blaring of the civilian’s radio downstairs, Agent Wreck worked continuously until she could type no more. She let out a long sign as she shut down the machines. The rest could wait until tomorrow when there was more coffee. The rain continued and made Agent Wreck’s eyes feel heavier than all the paperwork she still had to shift through. A weary mind made more mistakes and the mission would not allow a single mistake. It was better to turn in than to compromise the operation. ‘A comforter’ thought Wreck as she shook her head and shambled to the bedroom inside mission control. A good night’s sleep was what she needed. The symphony of the storm raging outside continued as she slipped into a dreamless sleep.

********************************************************
 
02MAY2010
Secret Agents Dr. Dork and FreakFace worked hard to keep up their civilian disguise as sisters. Today they were supposed to be posing as backstage hands at the annual Davidson Academy Dance Company recital. This ruse gave them a perfect opportunity to meet up with Secret Agent Them are Some Big Ole Guns, whose daughter was a member of DADC, to secure his cooperation. Time was of the essence, and the storm that had raged continuously through the night was working against them. Routes from mission control and the safe houses were slowly being blocked by the rising river. In fact, the rise of the Cumberland had thwarted their plans as the recital was delayed by a day due to the weather. Being the intellectual one, Dr. Dork decided to meet up with Them Are Some Big Ole Guns at the church he attended with his family. No one would be any wiser as Dr. Dork and FreakFace had become members of the church to complete their disguise as proper small town residents.
Dr. Dork slipped not so quietly and not so gracefully into the pew next to Them Are Some Big Ole Guns and his family. With whispered conversation and hushed laughter shared between Them Are Some Big Ole Guns’ daughter, Jesse, and Dr. Dork, it looked like good friends catching up before the service started. Dr. Dork leaned over and began whispering to Them Are Some Big Ole Guns and his wife, Dee. To everyone else in the small church nothing seemed out of order as this was a ritual that occurred almost every Sunday Dr. Dork attended. Dee slowly faded away from the small talk and began to read the church bulletin.
“Secret Agent Them Are Some Big Ole Guns have you thought about your involvement in the mission at hand?” Dr. Dork quietly asked.
“Yes, I’m in. Good idea having I’ve Lost My Marbles come to me to retrieve the package. It will look like neighbors visiting. No one will think twice about it,” replied Them Are Some Big Ole Guns.
“Our thoughts, indeed. I will have Secret Agent Wreck deliver your mission briefing documents soon.”
“Right then.” Them Are Some Big Ole Guns leaned back and in a slightly louder voice asked, “So when are your dad and mom coming back?”
“Next Saturday, I bet they are glad they are missing these storms.”
“Yes, I bet they are.” Them Are Some Big Ole Guns shot a glance at his daughter to warn her that she was getting a little too loud. Them Are Some Big Ole Guns did not have to disguise himself as much as the other agents. Everyone knew he was a Blackhawk mechanic for the US Army. They just didn’t know what other covert missions he was involved in.
The church service began as the rain continued to fall outside. By the time church let out the rivers had risen, covering roadways surrounding the quiet little haven of Springfield. Secret Agent Dr. Dork could not return to the staging area that night, nor could Secret Agent FreakFace return to her civilian life and civilian boyfriend. A 500 year flood had come to Middle Tennessee, but this would not delay the plan. The Hunt For Burr’s Lost Marbles had secured another agent.

********************************************
 
22MAY2010
In just over two weeks, six agents had confirmed. Mission control was awaiting confirmation from the elusive Agent 8 Point. Wreck sat in mission control absent mindedly tapping her fingers on the keyboard without triggering a reaction. Many thoughts had run through her head that day. ' What if Agent I've Lost My Marbles doesn't go along with the plan? What if one of the agents falters and lets slip the true nature of the mission? I've Lost My Marbles was intelligent, but what if he over complicated things? Would he have the right protection in case of danger, we wouldn't want to send him into a gun battle with a Bowie knife.' Communication with the staging area wasn't supposed to take place until 25MAY2010 but Wreck had connected to M.E.'s secure link anyways.
Usually watching a John Wayne flick calmed the agent down, but today all it did was remind her of I've Lost My Marbles. She turned the movie Hellfighters off and switched back to the cable station where Dirty Jobs was on. Without caring she dropped the remote to the floor. Thoughts of the mission floated back to the forefront of her mind.
‘Would he recognize the other agents? Was there a way for the other agents to signal their alliance with him?’ Wreck sat back as she tried to push the doubts from her head.
“AGENT WRECK! AGENT WRECK! WAKE UP!” Dr. Dork was yelling through the secure link.
“I’m sorry. I think I drifted off.” Agent Wreck sat up straight in her seat.
“I had a brain wave that we could use!” Agent Dr. Dork spit out quickly (which was common for her when she was excited). “I was doing a mental check of everything we have done already. We need a SIGNAL!”
“Ok, I know I may still be a little foggy brained, but please explain. A signal?”
“Yes. I was thinking that Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles tends to over complicate matters instead of looking at the simple things! The KISS principle just doesn’t stick with him. Why don’t we have the other agents play with marbles so he knows he has reached an agent in the alliance?”
“Bloody brilliant!”
“Thank goodness, I was starting to think that our mission was too simple. He might over think it.”
“That’s what I’ve been worrying about all day! I dozed off worrying about it.”
“That is why we have Agent Clover tracking his progress.” Agent Dr. Dork pointed out and continued, “She can encourage him to not give up.”
“Yes, but knowing him he will not give up.”
“No, he won’t. That is why we are all systems go. Have the mission briefing documents been distributed?”
“Not yet. Agent Clover and I have a rendezvous at 1600 01JUNE2010 to pass off information.”
“It’s good to see that you have everything under control down there,” Dr. Dork said appreciatively. “This mission cannot succeed without your brains and organization skills.”
“Agent Dr. Dork, your flattery embarrasses me. But you have been the one with most of the good ideas.”
“Why thank you. To proceed. Please send confirmation after the hand off.”
“Will do. Agent Wreck over and out.”
“Agent Dr. Dork over and out.”
Wreck looked around Mission Control; her feeling of doubt had subsided. With everything done until time for next week’s handoff she could relax for once. She went back to watching Dirty Jobs. Today, Mike Rowe was making marbles. Was that a good omen?

**********************************************
 
01JUN2010 1600HRS
“Pay close attention to what I am saying. I cannot give you a set of mission briefing documents because of your close relationship with Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles. We cannot risk him discovering anything until the designated time.” Wreck glanced around nervously. The time had come for the handoff with Agent Clover. The location for the handoff had been specifically chosen for the fact that it was a visitor’s spot in town, locals did not visit here normally. Passing documents here would not seem out of the ordinary. Last year Wreck had secured a position there to make handoffs less suspicious.
“Ok, I’m set to meet up with Agent Peppermint tonight to give her mission briefing documents. I can hold on to the other mission briefing documents until I meet up with the other agents,” Clover seemed to understand what her role was.
“Where are you going to secure the documents until distribution?”
“Well my house of course,” Clover seemed to think that should have been understood.
“Agent Clover! Might I remind you that YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY! If he found any evidence before the appointed time, the mission will be blown! Maybe you should just take Agent Peppermint’s mission briefing documents, and I will keep the rest until we can meet up again.”
“Yes, that would probably be better. You know how I am.”
“Yes, ma’am. Keep it simple.”
“Ok, well I am going to go and meet with Agent Peppermint so she can make the drop off tonight,” Clover said as she started to turn to leave.
“Very good. Please confirm once the drop off is complete.”
“Roger.” With that the two agents said their goodbyes and Clover left. Wreck lingered with a worried look on her face. She trusted Agent Clover with her whole being. But of all the agents, she worried the most about Clover. That simple statement, ‘at my house of course,’ made Wreck rethink the necessity of using Clover. She had an almost sixth sense about most situations, especially when it came to I’ve Lost My Marbles. That fact alone could be very useful. However, the fact remained that Clover could never get more than “Almost Satisfactory” on her annual ME agent review. She had a consistent history of revealing vital mission plans before the allotted time. No agent involved in mission Pocket Watch could forget how she had let the beans slip. In this mission that could be dangerous. Could she be discreet and secretive enough until the mission was complete? Only time could tell. Only time would tell.

******************************************
 
Agent Peppermint,

Your mission if you choose to accept it:
Give the enclosed note and marble to your fellow agent Burr Mathews aka “Agent I’ve Lost My Marbles.”
The note simply reads “All will be revealed in the woods.”
Just give him the note and marble. If he asks any questions, please don’t answer. If you feel the need to answer him anything, please just say “I think you’ve lost your marbles, Burr,” and walk away!
We thank you for your continued cooperation and support. This message will not self destruct.

God Bless,
Agent Wreck
Agent Dr. Dork
Agent FreakFace




**************************
This story is to be continued. Part 2 will be coming soon I promise, I just couldn't keep some people (ahem Rachel aka Secret Agent Dr. Dork) in suspense.

Something different to try on Valentine's Day

Why I loved Valentines Day
Current mood: calm
Yesterday I did something different for Valentine's Day. Instead of getting flowers, I delivered them. I delivered over 150 bouquets. I got to meet some very interesting people. There was one lady I had to deliver to, and I couldn't find the street, so I stopped at this little store. They asked who i was delivering to and I said Mrs. Beaulah "something or another" they were like oh honey she isn't at home right now, its Tuesday, she's over at so and so's house and its two houses to your left. So i went. They were right. This Mrs. Beaulah was so cute and adorable. I was just blessed by her heart.

There was also two twin girls I got to deliver to. They were so excited that someone was ringing the doorbell. They opened the door before their mother could get there and one of them yelled at me "Who's there?" I was confused, she had the door wide open I had my arms full of flowers, teddy bears and balloons, and she asks who's there? She was blind. Her sister was deaf. Her mother had to explain to me. We let the little girl touch my face so she could see me. It was different. I've never felt so open. I gave them their flowers and went on my way. Wow.

Next Valentine's day, try going to a florists shop and see if they need any help delivering. You will be blessed if you get the opportunity. I did.

Today Henry died, I feel I've lost a part of me

Sunday, August 13, 2006
Henry Died...I feel like a part of me is missing now
This week I lost the most reliable man I ever had, Henry. Henry died on Thursday. He has been there for me through so much. He was there when I learned to drive. He was there when I went on my first road trip without my parents. He was with me through six wrecks (two were my fault shut up). He was with me my first day in college.

He's met all of my boyfriends, the good and the bad, the psycho and the calm, the wonderful and the feared. And he stood there and was sturdy dependable (most of the time) Henry.

These past two years I haven't been that close to Henry, we kinda grew apart. But he was still a part of me, he gave me strength and courage in certain situations.

On Thursday, my truck Henry the Dirty Green Dodge died. The transmission blew again. He's not dependable anymore, hes immobile, he's rusty and faded, he's old and decripid.

And I think he's for sale to someone who wants to invest in a truck that needs a transmission. Make an offer.



But hey at least I have Xaviar the Beast! He's sleek and sexy and reliable and powerful and makes for a nice ride!

Why I have lost my everlasting mind!

Why I Have Lost my Everlasting Mind
Current mood: uncomfortable
1. Read a magazine

2. Read a newspaper

3. Read the directions on anything around you.

4. Clean your fingernails

5. Trim your cuticles

6. File your fingernails

7. Put clear nail polish on

8. Wait

9. Oh screw it, paint your fingernails bright red

10. wait some more

11. think of new stupid faces to make at people when they look at you like your stupid

12. look around and make a mental note of things you need to get at Wal-Mart

13. Think of interesting quotes you have heard lately and make a mental note to write them down later

14. Think of what your plans are for tomorrow, the week, the weekend, the month, this quarter, this year

15. Think about what to have for lunch tomorrow

16. Try to remember what book it was that someone was telling you about

17. do calf raises (ok half calf raises because you’re sitting down)

18. Clean the counter

19. clean the trash that you can reach and don’t mind touching from where it didn’t make it into the trashcan the first time

20. Think about how freakin bored you are and what else you could be doing

21. What is that smell?

22. Remember "oh yeah I need to get some candles or air freshner or something at Wal-Mart"

23. What are the signs of dehydration? I’m thirsty.

24. Try and twiddle your thumbs in opposite directions (right thumb going clockwise, left thumb going counterclockwise)

25. Put another layer of bright red fingernail polish on

26. Wait again.

27. Make lots of little flowers out of tissue

28. Oh crap, I messed up the nail polish

29. Repeat 7, 8, 9, 10, 25, and 26

30. Start singing silly songs in your head because no one wants to hear your tone deaf self sing (including yourself)

31. Make a mental note to splurge on the small details in life (lotion, socks, toothpaste, toilet paper)

32. Make up excersises you could do while sitting down because you are being held captive

33. Wow I looked down, my toenails need more help than my fingernails do!

34. Clean your toenails

35. File your toenails

36. Coat of clear polish

37. Coat of bright red polish

38. Coat of clear top coat polish for supershine

39. Wiggle your toes and think how snazzy that looks

40. Wait some more so you don’t mess up your hard work

41. Think about the fact that you don’t have very many shoes that would show off the good job you just did

42. Make a mental note to go shoe shopping for peep toe shoes

43. Man I’m really thirsty and a sugar free vanilla breve latte with no foam sounds really good right now

44. Think about the fact that you are so glad that you did not feed into the fad of those shoes that make your feet look like pizza slices and make you have toe cleavage

45. Do makeshift crunches while sitting down (ok so I know they aren’t real crunches but I’m bored)

46. Blow spit bubbles (hey it’s gross but no one can see you)

47. Think of how great it was when you were a kid and you didn’t have so many things you had to do (like getting groceries, paying bills, getting toilet paper, getting air freshner, getting Pepto Bisnol, etc)

48.Realize that your toes are shinier than your fingernails, and realize "hey stupid you didn’t put a supershine topcoat on your fingernails"

49. Put a supershine coat on your fingernails so they match your toes, wait while they dry and admire your hard work and patience.

50. Think about the fact that a toilet is a device you use to get rid of your waste so why in the world would you use a bidet! It’s a glorified toilet that blows water on your tushie! How sanitary is that? Yeah it sounds more comfortable than rubbing your tush raw, but come on use a baby wipe!

51. Make a mentail note to write down some of the things that runs through your head and the things that you do while being help captive by the toiliet thanks to the stomach bug you managed to contract, and post said list on your blog!

My First

My First
Current mood: blissful
He was very nice, and in this weird way kinda cute too.

I have never felt so comfortable with someone I have just met. But here I was letting this Tad guy touch me and bring me this wonderful pleasure pain feeling.

I felt a little nervous at first when he told me, "Stick your bottom out and put your head down. This is going to hurt a little bit."

And then he worked his magic.

I have to say that was one of the best hours I have ever felt with a guy I have just met.

And guess what, I have a really cute tattoo to show for it now! Check out the pics! Tad at Vertigo in the Outer Banks did a great job! I am so happy!

16 things every 16 year old girl need to survive

16 things every 16 year old girl needs to survive
Current mood: inspired
1. God. As you grow physically you should grow spiritually as well. The gift of sharing your faith and belief is hard but makes for a better you and a better understanding.

2. Family. They have gotten you this far, and you are still alive! Why shouldn't you trust them. Whether they are blood related or adopted, they are always there for advise, hugs, shoulders to cry on, and sleeves to wipe your nose on.

3. Friends. They are like the family you choose. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. And, they are the ones that are going to jump out of the plane after you when they realize you forgot your parachute.

4. Lip Gloss. Sometimes all you need to bring out that beautiful face of yours is to highlight that beautiful smile of yours.

5. Fun Earrings. What better way to bring attention to yourself than to have something that brings attention to your face rather than "other" parts of your body.

6. Fun Socks. Sometimes you have to look serious. Thats why you should always have something fun on, only if you are the only person who knows it is there, it can bring a lot of confidence and sometimes a smile at the weirdest of moments

7. Lotion. The secret to having good skin when you are older, is to take care of it when you are young. That's all there is to that one. It's just plain and simple.

8. Tissue. You do not need to rub your eyes and face raw crying over stupid boys. They are always handy to have in your purse especially when you really have to go to the bathroom, squat down and realize Oh no theres no toilet paper, thank goodness I have those tissue in my purse

9. Bubbles or Play-dough. Embrace your childhood, don't waste it. You are still at that age of having a little bit of freedom without too many responsibilities. Enjoy it, it will go away fast.

10. Music. Whether you are alone or with friends and family, music can motivate, inspire, and bring laughter and smiles. Embrace all types because they all have different traits helpful for different moods and situations.

11. Hats. We are not perfect all the time, and neither is our hair. Who needs to know that you are having a bad hair day? No one! Bring on the hat, rock it hard and no one will ever be the wiser.

12. Chocolate. I don't need to say anything else.

13. Wallet. A great place to keep your cash, drivers license, boys phone numbers, discount cards, etc. Just don't forget where you put it or leave it at home. Your wallet needs to become a part of you and go with you everywhere, because the first time you forget it will be the first time you get pulled over for something stupid.

14. Good books. Sometimes you just need to get away from your own life, and the best place to do that is in a comfortable chair/couch/bed wrapped up in a comfy blanket reading a book and escaping into someone else's life. They may have problems bigger than yours to tell you that you can get thru anything. Or they could be having the adventure of a lifetime to let you dream big! Never stop reading. Your vocabulary increases and let's face it smart can be way sexy!

15. Manicure kit. Sometimes you really did break a nail, and sometimes you don't want to talk to people and you just want to do your nails. Hey it's ok, your fingernails can be the smile of your hands and they should always look good just in case you get the chance to shake the hand of someone important.

16. Faith. Have faith in yourself. You are beautiful, you are smart, and baby people love you. Always know that, never forget it, because sometimes that is all you need to get you going.

A letter to my mother

This blog was originally posted on my myspace. I am consolidating my blogs and putting all entries worth saving over here.
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A letter to my mother
My mother always appreciates when we use our creative abilities to make her gifts. For Mother's Day this year I wrote a little blah instead of giving her a generic card. Apparently it was pretty good so I thought I would share it with everyone. It is a little bit about my family and what they mean to me. Read if you want.
******************************************************
Sometimes I wonder.
I sometimes look back and wonder what it would be like if my parents had stopped having children after me. What would have life had been like if I was an only child? I know my parents love me, but I think they learned to love me more by having more. Their love grew with each child they had, but their hearts could only grow so much for us. That’s why I think they only had three children. Their hearts could only hold the right amount of love for three children. Unlike their love for us, their love for each other could only grow more over time.
My sister, Rachel, was born in 1983. I was two years old at the time, and I do not remember much about my mother’s pregnancy or the birth of my sister. I know Rachel had to remain in the hospital for quite a while because she was born premature. She was physically not strong enough to live at home with us yet. For this reason, I think I was not as close to her in childhood as I should have been. She had to stay and get stronger. It was like isolation. Yes, my parents were able to love her at the hospital, and care for her. But, she missed out on the love we all had for her at home.
Sometimes I wonder what our relationship would have been like if she had been born healthy. Would I still feel the same way about her as I do now? I am still trying to form a strong bond with my sister, Rachel. She is so strong and independent. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t need us or our love. But, I love her anyway. I wonder if she knows this.
Unlike Rachel’s birth, I remember Brinkley. I was in kindergarten when my mother was pregnant with her. I was so excited to have a new baby at home, and I was ready to be a good big sister and help my mom and dad out. It was an exciting day when Brinkley was born. I really don’t remember a whole lot, except the love. When Brinkley was born, Mom was so happy and she loved me even more. Dad was so proud of Mom and Brinkley, and he was proud of me for wanting to help. Rachel as always was so strong and independent, and she just wanted to put Brinkley back in.
Sometimes I wonder if Brinkley knows that we picked on her because we loved her and wanted her to be stronger. Rachel and I did tend to gang up on Brinkley as a child. She was sort of an outcast physically. Rachel and I both had strong frames and strong minds. We picked on Brinkley for being an alien (she did have a rather large head and big eyes) or for being the Swann’s man’s baby (he had blonde hair and she had blonde hair where we had brown hair). But I think secretly, Rachel and I did this to make Brinkley stronger mentally. She was so much different than us, but we loved her just the same.
All three of us girls are so different. But, I don’t think my parents would have loved us the same if we had all been the same cookie cutter children. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Our parents love us just the same. In the end, I think Brinkley has become the strongest physically, but as much as Rachel and I tried, Brinkley is still not as strong mentally. I think she is still the scared little kid, but that just means we can try and protect her more. Brinkley has the best combination of common sense and book smarts. Sometimes I wonder if she knows how perfect this makes her.
Rachel has so much book smarts! I know that one day Rachel will be known for great things. If anyone in our family could win a Nobel Peace Prize, I think it would be Rachel. With her passion and drive towards making things perfect, I think she will make an impact in the world of medicine, and I will be clipping out newspaper articles with her achievements in them one day. Sometimes I wonder if Rachel knows how far we know she will go.
I was born with a lot of common sense. I think I needed this trait to be able to know how to push my sisters toward greater things. While I have struggled in school and always knew that it was not my thing. I always know that I can push my family and encourage them for greater things. This may have been my gift, and one I gladly accept. I am so proud of my family and the great things they are bound for. Sometimes I wonder if I underestimate myself and the things that I am bound for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know how much we love them, how proud we are of them, and how far we think they will go. Our dad has always taught us not to accept normal, never to stop learning, and never underestimate our own knowledge. With his support we have learned how to believe in ourselves, learn from each other, and always seek new adventures. My dad has never stopped learning as he has grown older. He may have not had the most book smarts, but my dad is the most intelligent person I know. His views, his experience, and his love have made him one of the best teachers I have ever had the chance to learn from.
Sometimes I wonder if my dad knows just how proud I am of him. My dad has led an extraordinary normal life. He may have not had the money to have as many adventures as he would have liked, but he had adventures that made him the man he is, the man that we love. The things that he has done have given him the knowledge to pass on to us life lessons we could not have learned otherwise. His experience in the medical field has given the knowledge to understand Rachel when she starts talking “smart talk”. His experience in musical instruments and weapons has given him the knowledge to teach Brinkley in her vast amount of curiosity and interests. And, his knowledge in literature has helped him teach me that there is another world out there, one that can only be achieved by continuously seeking wisdom and adventure through the pages of a good book. Our dad is a teacher of all things, a man of many talents, and a father with a strong love that cannot be said in words but with actions.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom knows exactly how big of an impact she has on the world around her. My mom has taught us girls how to care. My mom has a gift of compassion, and this has made her so wonderful at the job she has. As a nurse she needs to care about her patients, but she takes this caring beyond the normal and cares for people on a mental level and not just with their physical level. She has taught us how to care for the person, not just the body. I love when people realize that I am the daughter of the best nurse in Robertson County! It makes me proud when people tell me how my mom cared for them, how she loved them enough to pray with them, and shared with them when they thought they were alone. She may not be Mother Teresa impacting the world, but she is Momma ‘Laine impacting Robertson County.
My mom is smart, caring, loving, entertaining, and strong. She has so many talents to share. She has so many experiences to share. She has so many goals to achieve. And, she has so many ways to love. My mother has led us to love the world around us. She is so complex and wonderful that I cannot put into words everything that she means to me. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to express to my mom exactly how much I love her, exactly how proud of her, and exactly how much I desire to be like her.
God has a plan before we are even born. And I know he had everyone of us in mind when he made a plan for us to be a family. Where one of us is weak, we have another to be strong and to help each other as a family. With the love and learning our parents have given us, I know that with our love for each other we can achieve much. With the lessons we have learned from our parents, we can teach the world around us. With the experiences and passions passed on from our parents, we can impact the world.
That is why on Mother’s Day, I want you to know that we would be nothing without you and Dad. We could never be as strong as we are without you. We would never have the strength to endure without your love for us. We would never have the passion to seek more knowledge without your passion for us. We could never be who we are without the life lessons that you have taught us. We would never feel love every moment of our waking day without you.
Sometimes I wonder if you know how proud we are to have you as our mother.
Sometimes I wonder if you know much we love you.
Sometimes I wonder if you know how much of an impact you have had on the world, not only by yourself, but through us as well.
Sometimes I wonder if you know how strong you have made us through your strength, through your care, and through your love.
I thank you for everything that you have done for us so far, and everything that you will continue to do for us. I have the perfect mother for me. You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for me.
I love you!

I'm thinking

Have you ever watched a movie and it impacted you? You are left with a questioning feeling, maybe even questioning your actions.
I have been watching the Blind Side this week. It has made me ask myself, what am I doing to impact someone's life? I know I can't help someone the same way she did, but I might be able to help other ways.
I love to cook and love to share. When someone I care about is sick, I love to cook for them and share a little piece of my heart.
I love to talk to people. I want my friends to know they can talk to me about anything.
Hopefully the little things I do can help people around me.

But then I start thinking what other movies have made an impact on me?

American History X....I prayed that I never show the hatred for another group of people like in that movie. Life is too short to hate. It wastes too much energy.

Life as a House....sometimes the memories and the things you do with a loved one will last longer than things you leave them when you pass away. Some of my greatest things from my grandparents are not from what they have left me physically, but what they have left me mentally.

There are plenty of other movies that I took lessons from. What movies have left some idea or motivation on your life?

Commentating the Oscars with my sister, Wachel Wee

about halfway through the Oscars, my sister and I started chatting and we decided we should turn our oscar commentary into a blog. I don't know why we thought it would be a good idea, but I am doing it. So Wachel Wee, this is for you! I <3 you Sissy Poo!

Rachel Mathews: Are you watching the oscars?
Rebekah: not really...i'm trying to finish cleaning the kitchen so I can go to bed...I've got it on...i <3 queen latifah's dress
Rachel Mathews: I like selma hiyak's more
Rebekah: well for someone my size...i like queen latifah's...plus I didn't see hiyak's
Rachel Mathews: oh btw I bought one of the cases that you suggested
Rebekah: which one/
Rachel Mathews: guess you'll have to find out next time I see you
Rebekah: why? does it look better in person than it does in picture?
Rebekah: can you do me a favor?
Rachel Mathews: i don't know I havent
Rachel Mathews: gotten it yet
Rachel Mathews: what's the favor
Rebekah: oh ok
Rebekah: tomorrow around 7pm can you text me and simple say "contact juice"
Rachel Mathews: um I'll try to remember
Rebekah: colin firth
Rachel Mathews: see I'm also a die hard george clooney fan.
Rachel Mathews: It's a tough choice
Rebekah: i just adore colin firth!
Rachel Mathews: He won my heart when he played Darcy in the BBC Pride and Prejudice.
Rachel Mathews: And George Clooney is another old man crush who gets extra props because his aunt is rosemary clooney
Rebekah: sjp looks really old
Rachel Mathews: she does but the dress looks fabulous on her
Rebekah: and her dress is acting like a noose! did you see her pulling at the neck?
Rachel Mathews: no
Rachel Mathews: I do not like that girl's dress...there is too much going on.
Rebekah: nope not at all
Rebekah: we should do this again....through a whole show....add commentary to an awards show and then I'll post it as a blog!
Rachel Mathews: look a madonna-esque rose-boob dress
Rachel Mathews: haha that would be an interesting blog
Rebekah: yeah it would
Rebekah: holy crap for a second i thought i saw michael jackson in the audience! that woman almost looked like him without the collapsed nose!
Rachel Mathews: you could do it for this half of the oscars
Rachel Mathews: WHAT!!! I missed it
Rebekah: yeah i could...i think i am if you will give me permission!
Rachel Mathews: IPad...not a really good name....apple you fail
Rebekah: hey this car switch commercial can i do that to chet's car?
Rachel Mathews: I give permission.
Rebekah: haha! yeah I know!
Rachel Mathews: I think they are playing different commercials I didn't see a car switch one
Rebekah: oh darn....it was cute....they asked "if you could drive any car would you drive yours?" well heck no, I would drive Chet's
Rachel Mathews: I would say no unless I owned a metallic blue cobra
Rebekah: lol!
Rebekah: dare to dream silly sissy poo!
Rachel Mathews: I know...it is the car that I drive in my dreams if that counts
Rebekah: my thumb is twitching and i keep hitting the space bar too much
Rebekah: wow in my dreams I drive a unicycle
Rebekah: OMG what in the world is going on!?
Rachel Mathews: they are making fun of paranormal activity the movie
Rebekah: oh haven't seen it yet
Rebekah: that dress would look beautiful if she would stand up straight
Rachel Mathews: Kristen Stewart never seems to stand up straight
Rachel Mathews: she's always slouchy.
Rachel Mathews: yeah jaws I love that movie!!!
Rebekah: you know if you watch Jaws backwards, it is about a shark that throws up so many people they have to open a beach!
Rachel Mathews: I know you've told me before. If I watch the Shining with Jack Nicholson in it. I just laugh because the girl runs like a muppet.
Rebekah: lol!
Rachel Mathews: Silly Oscars....Young Frankenstein wasn't a horror film
Rachel Mathews: I have to wonder why the new twilight movie is put in with the horror movies...maybe I have to see it but the book wasn't a horrifying
Rebekah: i kinda like the compilation or whatever you call it
Rachel Mathews: Morgan Freeman has a great voice over voice
Rebekah: i don't know what they were thinking calling those horror films
Rebekah: sorry my comp kinda froze for a minute
Rebekah: he does
Rachel Mathews: its ok
Rebekah: inglorious basterds is my vote!
Rebekah: I <3 that movie!
Rachel Mathews: star trek is my vote
Rachel Mathews: I just want them to show chris pine again
Rebekah: who?
Rachel Mathews: the guy who played kirk (he also played the guy who is trying to take the crown in the 2nd princess diaries movie)
Rachel Mathews: he has pretty eyes
Rebekah: oh otay
Rebekah: oh that dude
Rachel Mathews: yeah saw the picture didn't you
Rebekah: yeah i did
Rachel Mathews: that darn hurt locker..give someone else a chance
Rebekah: lol
Rebekah: well the sound was good
Rebekah: how many others have they won?
Rachel Mathews: did you see it
Rebekah: yeah
Rachel Mathews: I don't know I haven't kept count
Rebekah: oh ok
Rachel Mathews: oooo I like her dress..it has a lot of rufflly stuff
Rebekah: yeah it does...i looks like a cupcake i once screwed up!
Rachel Mathews: I still have to see the middle of this movie.
Rebekah: lol
Rebekah: it's good
Rachel Mathews: I've seen the beginning and I've seen the end....i just need to see the middle
Rebekah: there have been a lot of movies like that for me....heck i still haven't seen all the way through the first twilight movie....it puts me to sleep
Rebekah: i need to get it on dvd so i can use it instead of tylenol pm
Rachel Mathews: It is kinda slow and alot of what they do is just breath loudly into the camera
Rachel Mathews: I have it on dvd...o that is a good idea of how to get to sleep tonight.
Rebekah: I am good for something sometime
Rachel Mathews: oo have you seen the film the orphanage
Rebekah: um no
Rachel Mathews: ok do you mind subtitled movies cuz its a spanish horor film
Rebekah: no i don't mind subtitles
Rachel Mathews: best horror film I've seen in a while brink also gave it 2 thumbs up
Rachel Mathews: I found it for $5 at walmart...I'll bring it home next time I come home.
Rebekah: oh otay!
Rebekah: oh!
Rebekah: i like!
Rebekah: that dress is pretty!
Rachel Mathews: I love sandra bullock's dress it is verry sparkley
Rachel Mathews: that lady's dress makes her look old with saggy boobs....when I get old promise me you'll go with me to get old lady push up bras.
Rebekah: absolutely!
Rebekah: how about when we are both old and saggy we go get lifted together!
Rebekah: we got tattoo'd together why not get boob lifts together! lol!
Rachel Mathews: ok sounds like a plan.
Rachel Mathews: i think demi moore's dress blends in with her skin too much
Rebekah: i missed it...i had to run to the fridge and get a glass of milk
Rachel Mathews: you'll see it in the tabloids tomorrow
Rebekah: tabloids will be out in friday won't they?
Rachel Mathews: this part always makes me weepy...where they honor the people who died.
Rebekah: or electronic tabloids whoops forgot about those
Rebekah: yeah
Rachel Mathews: I totally didn't know that Kathryn Grayson died...holy cow
Rebekah: it is a good weepy moment
Rebekah: too bad i don't feel weepy right now
Rachel Mathews: why is michael jackson included in the oscars did he ever act besides inhis 15 minute long music videos
Rebekah: i'm ready to see someone trip or something i have a feeling something silly/stupid is going to happen
Rebekah: lol!
Rebekah: i have no idea!
Rachel Mathews: or are those considered short films
Rebekah: i don't know
Rebekah: he did have quite a few songs in soundtracks and stuff???
Rachel Mathews: Did you see miley cyrus flubbing up her line.
Rebekah: yeah!
Rachel Mathews: true
Rebekah: well i heard it and i laughed!
Rebekah: she looked like she was fixin to fall out of her dress
Rachel Mathews: yep...I hit the dislike button when I saw her dress
Rebekah: i just sent it straight to the recyling bin
Rachel Mathews: Do the commercial breaks seem to be getting longer as we go along
Rebekah: well that one didn't afford me a chance to complete my potty break
Rebekah: her dress looks like bubble wrap
Rachel Mathews: Sparkly bubble wrap...I wonder if it would hurt to pop sparkly bubble wrap
Rebekah: ooh dancing!
Rebekah: i don't know
Rebekah: i know if you pad yourself with bubble wrap and fall down the stairs the bubbles really don't hurt
Rachel Mathews: well does the falling down the stairs part hurt?
Rebekah: just the usual soreness but not the gotta ice my bottom part
Rebekah: i like the dancy
Rachel Mathews: so this is from personal experience
Rebekah: would you expect anything else?
Rachel Mathews: Yes very interesting part...although I must say that the oscars this year are channelling the tony's at points....l
Rachel Mathews: Like Doogie Houser's song and dance in the beginning
Rebekah: i missed it
Rebekah: you mean neil patrick harris
Rachel Mathews: yeah but you know he will always be doogie houser no matter how many other shows he is in or how loudly he protests it in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
Rebekah: yeah
Rachel Mathews: cool flipping
Rachel Mathews: I reallly liked the dancing part...nice addition.
Rebekah: yes
Rachel Mathews: what was george clooney doing
Rebekah: i have no idea....but it was kinda cute
Rachel Mathews: yeah
Rebekah: i'm glad i don't have to say these people's names!
Rebekah: i wonder how many times they practice their names to get them rigth
Rebekah: *right
Rachel Mathews: true dat.
Rachel Mathews: I'm glad up has gotten several awards
Rebekah: yeah
Rachel Mathews: oo gerard butlere I want to see his new movie
Rebekah: now there is a duo i'd love to be inbetween
Rachel Mathews: *butler
Rachel Mathews: Yessssss
Rebekah: that one guy on the far right...his tux looks blacker than black
Rachel Mathews: the thank you list acceptance speech is not one of my favorite types
Rebekah: nope nor mine
Rachel Mathews: I missed it
Rachel Mathews: One thing I always wonder when I'm watching these shows is how many different styles of tuxes are there...I mean they can be made by different people but truly isn't a tux a tux
Rachel Mathews: i don't know
Rebekah: but there are different styles, cuts, lengths, etc
Rebekah: what if you vest, cumberbund, or fluffy shirt (not suggested) it?
Rebekah: i'm gonna throw in some 90 sec rice
Rebekah: get in your seats poeople!
Rachel Mathews: but in the end unless you go for a color besides black or navy or other subdued traditional color then how can you really make a statement with a tux.
Rebekah: grooming?
Rachel Mathews: It's not really fair comparing them to dresses because you can do so many styles of dresses and still pull of the classy dressed up, glitzy kind of look
Rachel Mathews: ok...I guess
Rebekah: well what do you want them to do? bedazzle?
Rachel Mathews: Bedazzle with rhinestones?
Rebekah: yes!
Rachel Mathews: I don't know but I just don't understand how they say so and so
Rachel Mathews: 's tux was classic and glitzy while what's his faces was a tad drab
Rachel Mathews: they looked the same to me
Rebekah: i don't know either...thats why i don't design men's clothing
Rachel Mathews: it was on the pre-show thing
Rebekah: that i missed
Rachel Mathews: I thought you might have some insight though
Rebekah: well with the blend of materials and the flow and energy that might be exclusive to one designer or another
Rebekah: the way it may drape his body or merely hang
Rebekah: i have no idea? do those answers make sense?
Rachel Mathews: they do
Rachel Mathews: that sounds like something I would say if I ever presented an oscar
Rebekah: good cause i just blew them out of my @$$
Rebekah: lol!
Rachel Mathews: hahaha
Rachel Mathews: is it bad that I hope avitar doesn't win again
Rebekah: noep not at all
Rebekah: yay! not avatar!
Rachel Mathews: maybe I should have said avatar or the hurt locker...I want every movie to get at least one oscar
Rachel Mathews: She looks a little scary
Rachel Mathews: I think she should have done something more with her hair
Rebekah: rachel this isn't kindergarten, not everyone is going to get a gold star
Rebekah: yeah
Rachel Mathews: I know but at least give the movies I like one
Rebekah: lol
Rebekah: Rachel why don't you call them and tell them they messed up the ballots and the winner really is......
Rebekah: I'm sure they would love to take your call
Rachel Mathews: if only I had their number
Rebekah: you left it in your other white coat huh?
Rachel Mathews: Yeah that's where I left them...
Rachel Mathews: shoot I was going to wash my white coat this weekend!!1
Rebekah: is it still white?
Rebekah: does it smell?
Rachel Mathews: except for for the neck and around the hand holes
Rachel Mathews: it does not smell
Rebekah: then you can fudge on it today and then hand scrub those spots tomorrow night to get you by until next weekend
Rachel Mathews: I'll probably do it tomorrow
Rebekah: is there anyone worth wanting to watch dancing with the stars going to be on?
Rachel Mathews: I'm going to be voting for Bud aldridge until he gets voted off....I will not be voting for pamela anderson or kate gosslin
Rachel Mathews: I'm just a sucker for that show so I'll probably end up watching it anyway
Rebekah: bud aldridge? who is that?
Rachel Mathews: an astronaught...he will be the old guy on the show
Rebekah: oh crap thats why the name was familiar!
Rebekah: I want to make a wall of lamps like that
Rebekah: i'm sure my utilities bill would hate me if I did that, but I can dream can't I?
Rachel Mathews: They would be cool
Rachel Mathews: Yes
Rachel Mathews: Hey I got a new rug...I got another bamboo rug from old time pottery now I can exercise in my apartment without so much worry of sounding like an elephant to the person downstairs
Rebekah: rachel you aren't an elephant, I'm the elephant, you can be the ummmm.....ummmm.....ummmm......hmmmmm....horse
Rachel Mathews: this excited little guy is funny to hear his acceptance speech
Rebekah: i know! he was adorable!
Rachel Mathews: I burst out laughing when he told himself to calm down
Rebekah: that's something we do!
Rachel Mathews: I know
Rachel Mathews: I need to come up with a new list
Rebekah: a new list?
Rebekah: sexy panties sexy bras?
Rachel Mathews: for my profile....I used to have a list of words that are fun to say (myocardial infarction and necrotizing faciitis) now I have favorite cartoon theme songs from childhood.... I want to think of a new list
Rebekah: what do those two words mean? is the first one a heart attack?
Rebekah: they should be standing in a different order....black red white red black
Rebekah: they look unbalanced right now
Rachel Mathews: very good the first one is a heart attack the second one is a bacterial infection that eats your skin basically
Rebekah: ooh fun!
Rachel Mathews: his eyes are getting teary ooo how touching
Rebekah: the only reason i remember it is because infartion reminds me of fart which rhymes with heart so its a heart fart
Rebekah: oh no! He's going to cry, and then you're going to cry, and then we are all going to cry!
Rachel Mathews: I agree George Clooney is dreamy
Rachel Mathews: I've never noticed before how nasty Morgan Freeman's teeth are
Rebekah: oh yeah!
Rachel Mathews: sometimes a close-up just shouldn't have to be so close-up
Rebekah: maybe you've never payed attention to him smiling bigger, he did a good job hiding them, or he had flippers
Rachel Mathews: yeah
Rebekah: her dress is a little understated, she could have gone a little more dramatic with her makeup
Rachel Mathews: True but Kate winslet always seems so classy to me
Rachel Mathews: I don't know why
Rebekah: oh yes
Rebekah: because she is