Why I have lost my everlasting mind!

Why I Have Lost my Everlasting Mind
Current mood: uncomfortable
1. Read a magazine

2. Read a newspaper

3. Read the directions on anything around you.

4. Clean your fingernails

5. Trim your cuticles

6. File your fingernails

7. Put clear nail polish on

8. Wait

9. Oh screw it, paint your fingernails bright red

10. wait some more

11. think of new stupid faces to make at people when they look at you like your stupid

12. look around and make a mental note of things you need to get at Wal-Mart

13. Think of interesting quotes you have heard lately and make a mental note to write them down later

14. Think of what your plans are for tomorrow, the week, the weekend, the month, this quarter, this year

15. Think about what to have for lunch tomorrow

16. Try to remember what book it was that someone was telling you about

17. do calf raises (ok half calf raises because you’re sitting down)

18. Clean the counter

19. clean the trash that you can reach and don’t mind touching from where it didn’t make it into the trashcan the first time

20. Think about how freakin bored you are and what else you could be doing

21. What is that smell?

22. Remember "oh yeah I need to get some candles or air freshner or something at Wal-Mart"

23. What are the signs of dehydration? I’m thirsty.

24. Try and twiddle your thumbs in opposite directions (right thumb going clockwise, left thumb going counterclockwise)

25. Put another layer of bright red fingernail polish on

26. Wait again.

27. Make lots of little flowers out of tissue

28. Oh crap, I messed up the nail polish

29. Repeat 7, 8, 9, 10, 25, and 26

30. Start singing silly songs in your head because no one wants to hear your tone deaf self sing (including yourself)

31. Make a mental note to splurge on the small details in life (lotion, socks, toothpaste, toilet paper)

32. Make up excersises you could do while sitting down because you are being held captive

33. Wow I looked down, my toenails need more help than my fingernails do!

34. Clean your toenails

35. File your toenails

36. Coat of clear polish

37. Coat of bright red polish

38. Coat of clear top coat polish for supershine

39. Wiggle your toes and think how snazzy that looks

40. Wait some more so you don’t mess up your hard work

41. Think about the fact that you don’t have very many shoes that would show off the good job you just did

42. Make a mental note to go shoe shopping for peep toe shoes

43. Man I’m really thirsty and a sugar free vanilla breve latte with no foam sounds really good right now

44. Think about the fact that you are so glad that you did not feed into the fad of those shoes that make your feet look like pizza slices and make you have toe cleavage

45. Do makeshift crunches while sitting down (ok so I know they aren’t real crunches but I’m bored)

46. Blow spit bubbles (hey it’s gross but no one can see you)

47. Think of how great it was when you were a kid and you didn’t have so many things you had to do (like getting groceries, paying bills, getting toilet paper, getting air freshner, getting Pepto Bisnol, etc)

48.Realize that your toes are shinier than your fingernails, and realize "hey stupid you didn’t put a supershine topcoat on your fingernails"

49. Put a supershine coat on your fingernails so they match your toes, wait while they dry and admire your hard work and patience.

50. Think about the fact that a toilet is a device you use to get rid of your waste so why in the world would you use a bidet! It’s a glorified toilet that blows water on your tushie! How sanitary is that? Yeah it sounds more comfortable than rubbing your tush raw, but come on use a baby wipe!

51. Make a mentail note to write down some of the things that runs through your head and the things that you do while being help captive by the toiliet thanks to the stomach bug you managed to contract, and post said list on your blog!